07/29/2008
Notes from Conference
National Abstinence Clearinghouse Conference 2008, Rosen Shingle Creek Resort.
Tom Lickona- 10 emtional dangers of pre marital sex
Ethical wisdom, strength of character, support system.
Condoms do not make you emotionally safe.
1. Worry about pregnancy and disease
2. Regret 2004 2/3rds wish they had waited. Girls more vulnerable.
3. Guilt. Freud misrepresented guilt. Sign your conscience is alive and well. 70% of those who had abortion went against conscience.
4. Loss of self esteem/ self respect.
5. Corruption of character- treat others as objects. Every choice changes the person we are.
6. shaken trust: once burned not burned again. Afraid of falling in love
7. Depression and suicide: those abstain least likely to fall into these traps. Attempted suicide rate for 12-16 year olds 6 time higher for those who have not abstained. Sex can take over a relationship like a cancer from good to bad. Sex can distort intimacy- emotions and jealously.
8. Damaged or ruined relationships.
9. Stunted Personal development. Independent self identity can be lost.
10. Negative effects on marriage. Infertility 1 in 6. infidelity. Increase chance in divorce
Inability to get rid of mental images.
10 rewards of waiting
1. relationships better
2. source of self respect
3. gain your respect
4. teach you to respect others
5. take the pressure off you.
6. clear conscience
7. help you find right mate.
8. good sex in marriage.
9. help develop virtues. Self control, responsibility, good person character
10. person of character will help you to attract a similar person of good character.
Look before you leap video www.lookbeforeyouleap.tv
sex like skydiving. Mixing sex and money particularly stupid.
Plan and instinct. Drugs and alcohol affect decisions about having sex.
Sex like superglue. Past does not equal future.
A marriage bed later filled with all previous sexual partners.
Making the case for abstinence: The medical perspective
Kim Dernovsek Dermatologist.
65million US citizen have STD. HPV with 1.5-13% of sexually active adults.
HPV 16 and 18 carcinogenic.
Cervical Cancer cases 2008.
Adolescent cervix is more susceptible to cancer.
PAP test to avoid cervical cancer. ½ of those diagnosed have never been screened.
Men relatively unaffected by HPV.
CDC does not recommend condoms as primary prevention strategy
Genital Herpes spread by kissing, sexual contact, skin to skin.
Difference between efficacy (laboratory) and effectiveness in condom use.
STD treatment guidelines 2006. Condom report July 2001.
Risk compensation. Increases risky behaviour- resulting in actual increased risk.
HIV prevalence rates in Africa 1990-2001 as condom rates rose (Botswana?)
22% HIV to 6.7% in Uganda.
Gay.Bi.Trans. Confused Scott
Exodusbooks.org
Homosexuality about identity and relationships not sex.
Deep longing for same gender connection.
Myth- there is a gay gene.
People do not choose to be gay
Overly close connection with mother/ distant from father/ development at puberty
Alienation from same gender peers.
Abuse, child molestation. Teasing
Lesbianism different to male homosexuality.
Sexual confusion
Breakdown of understanding about gender
Myth: once gay, always gay
Scared of being found out, living in hidden silence.
Typical modern mantras: “This is who I am, sex is how I receive love, I don’t have other options, reject homosexuality, reject me.”
Gay identified/ homosexual struggle/ Gender confusion.
Sexual attraction is something you experience not something you are
Seuxality is not fate we decide to control our bodies
Sexuality is just one piece of you, don’t define yourself by it.
Sexual experimentation – only adds to confusion. Never safe for your soul.
Not how you feel, what you want to become.
Love does not always have to be sexual, to be sexual, sex is not always loving.
Gay different? Because you are human- you are the same.
You are not alone.
The things you feel (longing, lonliness, confusion) Things everyone feels at times.
‘No choice’ - you have choice to respond to feelings. Don’t let feelings ruin your life.
‘Tolerance means celebrating homosexuality’ common modern mantra
Mature people disagree with friends. Tolerating is not the same as respect- means we can still disagree. A loving thing to do is sometimes to say we are making dangerous choices.
www.Exodus.to/files/abstinence.pdf
Guidance for faith based organisations in partnering with the federal government
Robert Siedlecki Jr
Equal treatment for faith based organisations – compassionate care – first measure under bush. No discrimination, disqualification or singling out.
Acting on constitutional guidelines, Direct federal funding not to be used for ‘inherently religious practices.’
Virginity Rocks; Keith Deltano
Need for comedy
COMEDY- creates intense teachable moments. Breaks down and diffuses opposition and barriers. Complex topics into long term learning benefits.
Comedy reduces the ultimate threat to any education moment: boredom.
Expose the myths: sex= love
Sex leads to happiness.
Real tough men have sex.
Condom failure rates. Love = unconditionally accepting someone. Dear of not having sex. STORIES not JOKES.
Molly Kelly- Where it all began
No to drugs and alcohol – but not sex?
Devil wants business and desenstisation
Parents/peers/teachers/media
Positive peer pressure
Main teen questions: how far do you go? How do you say no? What if you won’t be married?
Difference between affection and arousal/
Say ‘yes’ with your clothes.
Sex has been changed from being a noun to being a verb.
Secondary Virginity.
Keith Deltano Fighting back online
Media narrative
Internet strikes: Dell, Jetblue
Result
Absinence- viewed as an ineffective, intolerant construction of radical right that uses fear and shame to promote religious ideology.
“evidence abstinence works is robust and plentiful”
Waittraining.org
Teen-aid.org
site needs teeth
Mathematica- an irrelevant study
www.heritage.org/research/welfare/lg2126.cfm
Include studies in every piece of paper.
Weighttraining.org
Change media narrative- embedded nonsense becomes unembedded
“Put the kids up front” on website
Parent workshops –advocates
Not numbers, correction, but dialogue.
Don’t ignore, engage with opponents.
FUNDRAISING
why people give—emotion: love/hate/anger/frustration/greed/
What Do I get out of it?
Thank those that contributed.
Most important piece in mail is reply device.
THE DAMAGE AND DANGER OF PORNOGRAPHY:
Phil and Vickie Burress
Cleanhotels.com
Meet abuse victims face to face.
Satan created a lie about sex- emotional, spiritual, dimensions of sex.
Porn fuels sexualised culture… makes it harder to abstain.
Tragedy as marriages are destroyed. Women become sexualised in self image
Solutions: citizens for community values. 45 states offence for hard core porn
Citizen Action- ensure laws enforced.
White Collar—selling porn on NYSE
Conscious about advertising www.ccv.org
Billboards: code of ethics.
Not use mainstram media for sex services.
Call Advertisers hurting family, children, community.
95% kids exposed
Computer filter, put computer in central location in house, with maximum traffic.
Power of 1 – 1 can make a difference.
Women feel degraded, ugly and loss of self esteem.
Make a huge difference in community.
What young men think of women due to porn.
Snow on the roof does not mean that there is not fire in the fireplace.
Leslee Unruh and Molly Kelly
The message doesn’t change the messengers do
Connect with the humdrum of people’s lives with larger causes on their minds.
We must be the change we envision – Gandhi
Change world, also change yourself.
Show me a hero and I will show you a tragedy
Sacredness of sexuality
Sex from womb to tomb.
Happy, healthy virtue. Not just saying no.
Challenging to set higher goals.
Nothing so strong as gentleness St Francis de Sales.
God always decorates our interior if we let him.
Chastity- understanding sexuality.
- enjoying it in healthiest way possible
- God invented sex- we could have procreation by shaking hands
Burn out- ego is the problem.
St Joseph: involved in childhood of Christ.
Our God came into the world in the womb of a mother.
Parents are the best educators of children
This has been abdicated- busy, desensitisation. Love entails discipline (self discipline).
Power of pornography.
Rick and Barb Wise HIV/AIDS education wrapped in a story
Faithfulness takes self control
Heart of a protector best for man.
Barb did not think about consequences of sexual choices.
Giving real hope for young people.
Star Search
Adventure with intention mollybarnheart.com
If you haven’t been that kind of girl you can start today.
Put your past behind. Attract real men, attract the right ones.
Character, integrity, self control.
Johnathon Butler: abstinence logical. RUSH generation.
Peer to peer: 1. facts. 2. Absinence no 1. message for safety. 3. Personal conscious choice influence people’s lives. 4. confidence: in decision and self. 5. passion. 6. consistency.
Inject confidence into kids. Be yourself without fear or pressure.
Who love can be shown w/o having sex.
Change generation one person at a time (mother Theresa)
Carrie Abbott: Sexual integrity, how to see the big picture.
Relationship model
Empower people to be whole in a sexually broken culture.
Sex - core identity - physical act
Gender- intentionally assigned- confused
Marriage- divine metaphor- optional/unnecessary
Children- God’s blessing- inconvenient
Parents- Divine delegates- unqualified
Family- Kingdom builder- broken
Identity: what do I do with that Gift.
How express physical masculinity.
Rise or fall of civilisation – regulation of the 2 sexes. End of line with confusion with gender.
Sanger- matriarch of family planning
Hefner- salesman of the sexual revolution
Kinsey- archdeacon of sexology
Reach youth with power, positive message
Power of virginity – moth told them. Role trusted delegate. Parents not doing their job? I’ll do it.- No!
Parents need to be educators of children.
Protection in childhood- made male and female by design.
Built in design for man is to be a protector.
Fertility is a sacred gift with a sacred purpose. Women do not want to be conquered but wooed. God does not conquer but woo- we need to imitate him.
Proof of differentiation of 2 sexes is fertility.
Talk about truth- don’t concentrate on lies.
God adopts people – teach children this, especially ones that have been adopted.
Kids to have childhood but to be protected.
God’s mandate for sexual integrity vs counterfeits.
God’s view of children vs population control theory
God as author and sustainer of life.
what teens want
don’t know what they want –we need to tell them!!
Co-opting
Flyers, posters, tickets, news articles.
Myspace, PR professional press release.
Purepublicity.com purity matters
Clubvarsity webcast events
Diane Harper – HPV expert – vacinnating gives false sense of protection.
sex, love and you, making the right decision
7 habits of highly effective teens.
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